


Well....Fuck. [title in progress. i am bad at titles. but tbh this does sum it up alright]

by loopylostandfound



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aziraphale and Crowley Through The Ages (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley got Drunk and Things Happened, F/M, Fluff, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Historical, Hurt/Comfort, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Kid Fic, M/M, Original Character(s), Parents Aziraphale and Crowley (Good Omens), Probably a lot of inaccuracies depending on how much research I do, This is gonna get wild, and for the fact that birth happens, bc it's very relevant to this work, buckle the fuck up kids, i love that that's a tag skjshhk, i'm rating it M for swearing mostly, not...super graphic?, will update tags as I go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:21:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22273984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loopylostandfound/pseuds/loopylostandfound
Summary: Essentially this is me wondering what would have happened if the ineffable idiots (again I am ecstatic that this is a tag) managed to fuck up (heh) and have a kid accidentally.But way before they even thought of the Arrangement. This will change a lot for them through the ages...and how do they keep heaven and hell from finding out?And maybe even more importantly...how the fuck are they supposed to figure out how to parent?Work in progress, will try to update as often as I can, I really want to see this through.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 33
Kudos: 74





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I've had designs and character descriptions for children for these two for months, and it needed to get out somehow other than just me drawing them over and over again. This first chapter will have some description of birth, (not mpreg, the one having the kid is female at the moment. and it doesn't really count with non-binary beings, i don't think) but not graphic. There is a lot of dialogue. because I can't write anything else. 
> 
> hope you enjoy! I will try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can.

Chapter One

_BOOM_

Aziraphale jumped at the sudden crash of thunder, then stumbled at the rollicking wave that decided to accompany it. _When will this damned storm end?_ he thought. The ark rocked again with another surge of water, and this time, while his legs were re-learning how to stand up, he heard a voice (or several?) cry out. It was faint, but definitely came from the lower decks. _Might want to investigate that. Could just be hearing things, but you never know._

The lowest deck of the ark was completely dark. Aziraphale summoned a small light in his hand in order to see, and peered along the rows of crates and bags filled with food and supplies. The boat lurched again and he heard another cry, the voice of a small child, and another voice making a shushing noise.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

Silence, except for a fearful sniffle. Aziraphale crept cautiously toward the source of the noise.

“I'm not here to hurt anyone. Are you alright?”

“Depends on your definition of 'alright,' I suppose,” mumbled a familiar voice, sounding rather strained. Aziraphale sighed.

“Crawly? Is that you?”

“Unfortunately. Ow.”

“Are you hurt? Who's with you?” Aziraphale moved closer, and found the source of commotion behind a stack of feed bags. Crawly was half sitting, propped up against the bags, and surrounded by half a dozen children, a couple of whom were asleep, the others glancing nervously between the two adults.

“It's alright, kids,” Crawly assured the children, “he's a friend. I think,” she added, eyes flicking up to Aziraphale's face. Aziraphale nodded.

“I may not be allowed to thwart the Great Plan, but I'm certainly not going to throw anyone back into the waves who's already here. Do you...need anything?”

“I think we're alright,” Crawly said. She groaned and shifted her weight a bit. “I already raided the food stores for them. Don't worry, I made sure there was extra.”

“Well, that's...good. Are you sure you're alright? You keep making sounds as if you're in pain. I could help –”

“No,” Crawly interjected quickly. Now that Aziraphale was paying more attention, she did seem to be breathing rather heavily. “I'll be fine. Not hurt. You can go back up, keep doing...er...good deeds, or something –” she cut off and growled through her teeth, squeezing her eyes shut, “– something nauseating, like that. Ugh...”

“You know, for a demon, you can be a terrible liar.” Aziraphale knelt beside Crawly, as the children scooted to make room for him. “Perhaps your young friends here are a little more honest?” He looked at who seemed to be the eldest of the children, a girl who looked to be about twelve or thirteen. She nodded. Crawly noticed the motion and hissed at her, but the girl gave her a rather impressive stink-eye, especially considering the demon had saved her life.

“I don't see why you need to hide it from your friend, even if you are a demon. I don't think it will help you.”

“Ungrateful little brat,” Crawly grumbled.

“If it wasn't so dim in here, he would have noticed already. There isn't any point. It's just going to stress you out, and that isn't good for your current situation.”

“You're too smart. Glad I saved your sorry arse.”

The girl stuck out her tongue at the demon, then shuffled over to Aziraphale. “I'm Emet.”

“Pleased to meet you, Emet. I'm Aziraphale.” He smiled at her. “What situation would that be?”

“This one,” said Emet, taking the angel's hand and placing it on Crawly's middle. Crawly started but Emet gave her a look and she grumbled and calmed down. Aziraphale was a bit hesitant to touch the demon, after...everything, but at Emet's insistence he gently laid his hand down. He nearly jumped at what he felt, but didn't take his hand away. He felt another hand cover his, and he looked fully into Crawly's eyes for the first time since he'd found her here. They were wide, the whites completely gone, and even in the dim light he saw the fear and anxiety that plagued them.

“I'm sorry, angel,” Crawly said softly. She gasped and Aziraphale felt her distended abdomen grow harder beneath his hand. He lifted his hand away and she gave a fearful whimper, but he had only moved so that he could brush away the damp locks of red hair from her forehead.

“Don't be, dear,” he said softly, trying to disguise his own fear and shock. He couldn't let her see it, he had to be strong for her now. “I think we were both at fault, honestly, that was a much stronger brew than we were used to, no wonder we ended up where we did –”

“I mean for running away,” Crawly admitted quietly. “I – I didn't know what to do. It was so much. I didn't want to hurt y –” she broke off and growled out another cry of pain from behind her clenched teeth.

“It's alright, dear, I – I probably would have run, too. But we can talk about that later, I rather think we have more pressing matters to attend to.”

“See, that was exactly my point,” Emet sighed. “Do either of you actually know what you're doing here?”

“I...I mean I know the basics of the process,” Aziraphale admitted, “I've seen it happen once or twice, but I've never really...been involved. Before. I suppose that changes now.” He looked at Crawly. “I don't think either of us really expected to ever be this involved with it. It's...not supposed to happen to us, really.”

“Yeah, I was pretty shocked. Thus the running away,” Crawly said. She tried to continue speaking but was cut off by another spasm of pain and cried out rather more loudly than before. “F-fuck,” she gasped, “I – I can't do this. Can't. I –” she let out a sharp sob. Tears were running freely down her face now. Aziraphale miracled a damp cloth to dab against the tears and sweat.

“You can, dear, the humans do it all the time, surely a demon c –”

“Fuck, Aziraphale, the humans die doing this sometimes, you – _groan_ – you try doing this sometime, see if you think 's that easy. Oh, sh –” she gasped, and tried to adjust her position. “Shit. Fuck. I – fuck, it's coming, shitshitshitshit _shit –_ ”

“Don't worry,” Emet said, settling at Crawly's feet. She had gathered the other children into a huddle a few feet away, so they could sleep without too much disturbance. A few curious eyes still peeked out from the group. “I was apprenticing for a midwife before the waters took the earth. I learned a lot. Probably enough for this, anyways.”

“Why does that not comfort me?” Crawly mumbled tightly.

“Maybe because you're about to give birth to your first child and that's always a bit nerve wracking?”

“Should have left you on that shitty raft you built.”

“Too late.”

“I'm going to be a terrible mother, aren't I.”

“Probably. Pull your knees up closer to your body. And I need to lift your robes up a bit.” Crawly complied, and Emet carefully bunched the dark cloth slightly above her knees. “Looks like your water's already broken, given the damp spot. That's good. Did you just stop breathing?”

“Sorry,” Crawly gasped, restarting her lungs. “Still getting used to the breathing thing, believe it or not.”

“Well, get used to it. It'll help you a lot for this. I think. Never helped a demon have a baby before. Might be different. But I'm gonna treat it like it's the same, because it looks the same so far.”

“Probably a good idea,” Aziraphale said nervously, “given that we have no other standards for how this should be going.” He hesitated. “Do – uh, can I do anything? To help, that is. I feel a bit...useless.”

“Not much, honestly,” Emet said, as she helped Crawly get herself in a slightly more squat-like position. “You seem to know each other pretty well, though, so maybe you'll be more helpful than me at keeping her calm and focused. Panicking is the last thing she needs to be doing.”

“Good to know. I – I'll try.” He settled by Crawly, supporting her a bit by draping one of her arms around his shoulders. He started a bit when she nearly knocked him over as she turned to him, flinging the other arm around him and burying her face in his shoulder, sobbing.

“I – I'm sorry, it just – _fuck_ – it hurts so much,” she cried, “n' you're soft...”

“It's alright dear, whatever you need. Emet, is...is this alright?”

“Should be, if she wants to be kneeling for this, and with you supporting her she won't have to put as much effort into supporting herself. I'll just have to tie up the robes somehow...”

“I got it,” Crawly mumbled. She lifted one hand and snapped her fingers, and her clothes disappeared. “Oops. Well, that works too, I guess...” She moaned into Aziraphale's robes. He held her securely and whispered comforts in her ear as Emet checked her.

“You should be ready. Bear down when the next pain hits.”

“Next one? Bloody things 're fucking constant – nngk –”

“That's it! Keep going, you're doing wonderfully.”

“I really don't wanna hear about it. Just – OH FU – ”

“I can see it! You're doing it!”

“I FUCKING KNOW.”

“There! The head is out. You can take a little break to breathe for a bit if you like, you're nearly done.” Crawly took a deep, ragged breath, lifting her head from Aziraphale's shoulder for a moment.

“This's weird,” she said.

“That's one way to put it, I suppose,” said Aziraphale, rubbing her back gently. “I think it might turn out for the better, though, don't you think?”

“I think – _fuck_ – that I'm not gonna worry about that right now.”

“Good point.”

Crawly groaned to emphasize said point. Aziraphale felt her tense up again as she pushed and moaned through her teeth.

“Can't do it. M'so tired, 'ziraphale.”

“I know, dear, but you're very close, right?” He looked over Crawly's shoulder at Emet, who nodded.

“Just a little more pushing and the shoulders will come, and the rest just...slips right out, from what I've seen. You really are almost there!”

“Promise?”

“...sure.”

“Ngk. Twenty-eight fucking hours better be worth it.”

“You've been at this for twenty-eight hours!?”

“Calm your tits, 'ngel, most 'f it w's just crampy 'n shit.”

“Still...”

“Kinda late to feel bad about it. Got a fucking head sticking outta me.”

“...yes.”

“Crawly,” Emet said, exasperated, “focus. Angel person, stop talking, please.”

“Sorry.”

“You two are awful. Please never leave each other again. Let's get this done, shall we?”

“Seconded. FUCK – ”

“That's it, keep doing that, you're doing so well –”

“The FUCK did I say about telling me how well I'm doing!?”

“You know, I'm so glad you saved all of us from the flood, I'm having a great time, feeling very good about myself –”

“FU – ”

_Ten Minutes Later_

“Crawly? Crawly!”

“Whzzuh?” She opened her eyes to see Aziraphale's worried face floating above her in the dim light. _The fuck? There was pain...and then there wasn't, and now...I'm on the floor? No, soft...on Angel, then. Mmm...warm..._

“Crawly, don't you dare close your eyes again, you scared me just now!”

“Whuh? Wha happened?” Crawly thought it was quite unfair of Aziraphale to demand she not fall asleep but also be cradling her in his arms and combing through her hair with his fingers.

“You passed out, right after she was born. I thought you had...discorporated, or something!”

“Well I didn't. Wait...she? She...oh.” Her eyes were drawn to the little bundle in Emet's arms, which was still squirming and had just let out a soft, frustrated sort of noise. Emet smiled.

“Do you want to hold her now? Careful, she's still sort of attached. The cord, I mean. I don't have anything to cut it with. Could one of you...?”

“Yes, of course,” Aziraphale said, lifting the hand that had been stroking Crawly's hair and snapping, which was far too close to Crawly's ears and she winced. “Oh, I'm sorry, dear, I wasn't thinking.”

“Don't lose your head, angel. And yeah, smartarse kid, hand her over.”

Emet handed the whimpering bundle to Crawly, and took the small knife from Aziraphale.

“Here, let me open the cloth a bit more so I can get at the cord,” she said. Crawly was barely paying attention, staring in open rapture at the tiny pink face. She couldn't make out all the features in this light, but it didn't matter. She held her newborn (hers!) in the crook of one arm and reached her other hand out to touch the tiny fingers that waved aimlessly in the air. A surprisingly strong little hand closed around her index finger, rendering Crawly completely incapable of speech. She looked up at Aziraphale, who was also completely entranced by the sight before him. He caught her eyes and gave her the most radiant smile she'd ever seen from him.

“She's beautiful, Crawly,” he said softly, reaching out to brush his finger against the baby's cheek.

“Ngk,” said Crawly, because she still couldn't quite figure out words, especially as her attention returned to her baby and she saw the little one trying to open her eyes and find the source of the voices.

“I think she wants to see you, dear, look – oh!”

“I – she's even better now. Hngk, that sounded weird...”

Aziraphale laughed gently. “No, I know what you mean dear. Somehow.”

The little one gazed up at them, eyes wavering and unfocused, but clear. Crawly couldn't quite see the color, but she'd heard that all babies were born with blueish eyes, for some reason, so she wasn't worried. Aziraphale beckoned his little ball of light closer.

“Oh, she has eyes like yours!” he exclaimed. “Not the same color, but the pupils are similar. How lovely.” Crawly looked at him again, wondering if he was somehow mocking her. She didn't particularly mind her eyes, but many people did, so she'd gotten a bit wary of them. And worried that her child would have eyes like her. But Aziraphale gazed back at her with so much sincere adoration that she nearly fainted again. She couldn't help letting her lips curve into a wide smile. She looked back at her child, filled with...so much. Couldn't possibly name all the emotions. She wasn't sure all of them had names. But it was good.

The good feelings were sharply interrupted by slight contractions, which caused Crawly to panic until Emet assured her it was just the afterbirth, which turned out to be very gross and worthy of immediate miracling away courtesy of Aziraphale.

“Am I allowed to relax now, or are there any other icky, slimy surprises waiting for me?” she asked Emet.

“Not that I know of. I kind of doubt a demon has to worry about human birth complications, honestly. And I'm kinda tired too, so I'm gonna go join the others. I think you scarred them for life.”

“Yeah, probably.” She glanced at the pile of children, most of whom were awake now and looking...a bit scarred, yes. Oops. The two who looked asleep had probably passed out from sheer exhaustion after the screaming had stopped.

A little boy who looked to be about five crawled out from the pile and sat next to Crawly and Aziraphale. Crawly was a bit stunned.

“Sorry about all that racket, kid,” she said.

“It's okay. I want to see the baby,” he said.

“Oh,” Crawly said, surprised. “Well, I suppose you can have a look.” The boy got on his knees and looked over Crawly's arm at the baby, who yawned, nearly causing Crawly to discorporate from emotion. The boy seemed lost in thought for a moment.

“She is very small,” he finally decided. Aziraphale and Crawly both chuckled softly.

“Yeah, she is, huh?” Crawly agreed. The boy nodded.

“I'm going back to sleep now,” he decreed, and headed back to the group of children, who looked like they might finally doze off now that Emet was calming them down.

“That sounds like a stellar idea, honestly,” Crawly sighed, trying (and failing) to stifle a yawn.

“Indeed,” said Aziraphale. “Are you comfortable, dear? I can move if you need.”

“Nah, I'm good. You're comfy,” she said, hoping the darkness hid her blush.

“Oh, good,” said Aziraphale, miracling a blanket around her shoulders and tucking it snugly around her body. Crawly adjusted the babe in her arms, and the little one nuzzled against her chest. Oh. Right. That was a thing, too, wasn't it?

“Angel, I think I have to feed her.”

“Oh. Do you...er, know how?”

“I'll figure it out. I think she's supposed to know how, too, a bit.”

It turned out that she did, or at least decided to learn very quickly. It was an...odd feeling, but Crawly was too exhausted to care.

“You think it's alright for me to fall asleep with her like this?”

“Yeah, it's fine,” came Emet's voice.

“Cool,” murmured Crawly, and promptly passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little family cuddles, and talks about the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's a bit short, but it's pure fluff. The action should pick up in the next chapter, but I wanted to chug out some more fluffy nonsense before then. enjoy :3

Aziraphale woke up feeling warm, and a bit confused. He'd never actually fallen asleep before. It had been nice. He looked over at the group of children sitting not far away. It looked like Emet had found more food for them, and they were all either eating or sleeping. The ball of light he'd conjured was still hovering, and he decided to make it glow a little brighter.

He looked down and smiled. He couldn't see Crawly's face very well at the moment, since she had curled up with her head on his chest, but he could see the baby that she held securely even in her sleep. He couldn't believe this was real. A smile stole back across his face as he watched his sleeping daughter. _Daughter...well then! I'll be d – well, maybe I really will be, come to think of it._ But he found he didn't particularly care at the moment.

The baby squirmed and screwed up her face as if to cry, but Crawly was awake almost instantly, whispering to her soothingly and kissing her forehead ever so softly. The baby made soft whimpering noises as Crawly adjusted her to nurse again. Aziraphale leaned down slightly to press a kiss to Crawly's hair.

“Good morning, dear,” he said gently, “or whatever time of day it is, I suppose.”

Crawly tilted her head to look up at him, looking exhausted but incandescently happy. “Hey, angel,” she sighed.

“How are my lovely ladies doing after their rest?”

“Hngk. Erm, tired. I am, at least. I think she is too. Guess being born is almost as exhausting as giving birth, ha.” Crawly turned her head back to gaze on their newborn.

“Perhaps it is, yes.”

“I am feeling a lot better though,” Crawly continued. “Lighter, for one thing.”

They both chuckled a little.

“I suppose you do,” Aziraphale said. “I – I do wish I could have been there the whole time. I can't imagine what it was like, going through all of that alone. I'm s – ”

“Don't be,” Crawly cut in. “Please. It was my choice, and even if I might regret it, wasn't your fault. Can't go back and try again either. So. Y'know. It is what it is.”

“I suppose so,” Aziraphale said. “So what does happen next? This...changes a lot.”

“Yeah.” Crawly gently stroked the little one's cheek, ran one finger through her wispy white hair. “I...I'm not sure, to be honest. I've tried to think about it, but...I wasn't even sure if she'd survive. Not the sort of thing that's happened before, I didn't know if...if I'd be allowed to have her.”

“I'm so sorry – ”

“Stop saying that. Please. I...please. I know it shouldn't have to be that way, but it is. Again, not your fault.”

“I'm not necessarily saying it because I think it was all my fault,” Aziraphale insisted gently. “I'm saying it because I wish you hadn't had to go through all this, alone, and afraid. You don't deserve that.”

Crawly squirmed. “I mean...I am a demon, Aziraphale. Kinda in the job description. Deserving bad things. S'kind of a thing.”

“I don't think being a demon means you deserve every bad thing that happens to you, dear. And, well...hasn't this turned out to be good? I mean, look at her, she's...” he trailed off, lost in the wonder of the whole miracle.

“I know. She is. I – I couldn't ask for more. If I'm allowed to have this one good thing, I swear I'll never complain about anything again.”

“I don't think you can make that promise, dear girl,” Aziraphale said, the smallest of smirks on his face.

“Oh, shut up, angel,” Crawly muttered, but Aziraphale could still make out her smile.

They spent a few minutes just being, listening to the rain patter on the outside of the ark and the occasional lowing and growling of sleepy animals from the upper levels. Aziraphale nearly fell asleep again, but he heard the baby gurgle in a way that was unreasonably cute for something born only hours ago, and he had to look back at her and smile. Crawly shifted as if to get off of Aziraphale's lap.

“Are you uncomfortable, dear?” he asked.

“Nah, I just figured...well, maybe...”

“What?”

“Erm...thought maybe you wanna hold her?” Crawly said. “Be easier if I get off you for a minute, yeah?”

“Oh, of course!” Aziraphale was thrilled. He hadn't wanted to ask; Crawly had looked so happy holding her. Well, he had wanted to, really...

Crawly slid carefully off his lap and onto the floor beside him, and held their child out to him. He took her carefully and cradled her in the crook of his arm. This was... _wow._ He looked over at Crawly and she grinned at him.

“Pretty great, yeah?”

“I still can't believe this is real,” Aziraphale sighed. He brushed the softest of kisses against their daughter's forehead. “I wish...that is, I – I hope we can keep her safe. I have...no idea how the, erm, head offices are going to react.”

“Yeah, that's why I'm not letting them find out,” Crawly growled.

“And how are you going to do that? They figure out everything eventually! At least...upstairs does.”

“They didn't figure out the, uh...conception part of it, did they? Hardly notice anything, really. As long as I'm careful, nobody has to know.”

“It's going to take some planning. I mean, sure, a baby is easy to hide, but they do get a bit louder and bigger eventually and we will have to come up with different tactics.”

Crawly gave him a curious look. “You keep saying 'we.' Are you...do, er – you want to be involved? You don't have to. S'fine. I'd be fine on my own. Probably less suspicious, y'know. Can't be seen together that much. Not safe f – ”

“Crawly, look at me,” Aziraphale insisted. Anxious golden eyes met his own. He smiled. “Dearest, why wouldn't I want to be in her life? And yours. This is...the best thing that has ever happened to me. To us. I'd never be able to live with myself if I just abandoned you.”

“Angel, Heaven will find out if you help me. I can explain away all sorts of things to Hell, I'm good at that sort of thing, and they tend to eat anything up if I spin it right. Could tell them I'm tempting an angel, would probably get a commendation. You get seen hanging around a demon, you're...they won't like that. At the very least, you'll fall.”

“Then I'll fall. I may have a duty to Heaven but I...this is more important. I just know it is.”

“Aziraphale, I don't – ” Crawly's face screwed up in a grimace and she turned away. “I don't want you to fall. Don't – it's not just some sucky demotion or your wings turn black and your halo gets snapped. It...it burns. Hurts. Everything. And I...I can't let that happen. To you. You love being an angel. Can't let that happen to you, I – ” she broke off in what sounded like a choked off sob.

“I know, Crawly. I...I saw it happen. I don't pretend to know the whole pain of it, but I don't take it lightly. I know what I'm willing to risk for our daughter. And for you. You can't stop me from doing this, so...there.”

“I – ” Crawly looked up at him with eyes shining from unshed tears. She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in his shoulder. “Th'nks,” came a muffled sigh.

“Always, dear girl.”

They could plan later. Right now, in the warm darkness of the ark, surrounded by the most wonderful feeling of love he had ever experienced, Aziraphale wanted to just be. He decided not to go back to sleep, for now, so he could watch over his charges. They were all at risk, here, the huddle of worried human children included. Even if he wasn't going to rat them out, they couldn't be found by any of Noah's family. He doubted they'd hurt them, but one could never be too careful. Emet seemed to be taking good care of the younger ones, but she was not much more than a child, herself. They'd need someone...

He could worry about that when they were closer to the end of this ordeal. Here, in this moment, holding his baby daughter, with Crawly dozing against his side, he was happy. It was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave kudos and comments! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next steps, and baby gets a name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't update last week! Had a rough time of it and couldn't work up the motivation. This might be a bit rushed but I wanted to get something in early this week! Hopefully I can update again this week to make up for it, but we'll see. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter Three

When the floodwaters receded and the ark finally came to rest, it came as rather a relief to all on board, not least an exhausted and sore demon for whom the near-constant pitching and tossing of the vessel was sheer torture. Crawly had to stop herself from bolting off the ark as soon as she sensed visible dry land. Or rather, Aziraphale had to stop her.

There was the matter of the stowaway human children to consider. They couldn't stay with Noah and his family; Crawly at least was sure that the devout but rather temperamental man would not take kindly to learning that the plan he had thought was so meticulously carried out had gone a bit awry. Certainly he wouldn't try to kill the children, but he might be rather grumpy about taking them in and that wouldn't be good for anyone.

“We could miracle them to another country,” Aziraphale suggested. “Maybe some other humans could take them in?”

“Might cause more problems than it solves, really,” Crawly said. “I mean, the language barrier, for one. They're not used to there being other languages yet. And do they even want to leave the area? Even if it is...rather damp, at the moment.” She shuddered a bit at the thought. She definitely felt slightly less eager to leave the relatively nice and dry ark.

“Well I suppose we could ask...” He turned to look at the children, who all looked rather nervous. Well...they hadn't really stopped looking nervous since the beginning of this little adventure, come to think of it. Couldn't really blame them.

“I'd rather not leave,” Emet spoke up. “And I don't see any of the smaller ones wanting to go to far away places, either.” Several of the little ones squeaked or shook their heads vigorously to punctuate this statement.

“Well it's not as if we could take you in ourselves...” Aziraphale started, but then paused and looked at Crawly. “Or – no, it's a silly idea.” He looked away, back at the little one he was holding. She started to fuss again and he looked back at Crawly, rather helplessly. She sighed.

“Give her here, she's hungry again,” she said, and he gently placed the baby in her arms. “Maybe it is a silly idea,” she mused, as she adjusted her robe to let the little one nurse. “Do we have another option, though? Can't just release them into the wild.”

“No, I suppose not,” Aziraphale said. He looked back at the children. They were looking at the two adult-shaped beings rather hopefully, Crawly noted. She gnawed her lip as she thought over the options. Really, if they weren't going to surrender them to the other humans, there was no other option. Even if she was sure neither of them knew how to take care of children, and they already had one of their own that they for sure had to worry about. And there was the fact that these kids were mortal...even if they only took care of them until they were adults and could somehow integrate back into the local group, which would no doubt be a bit larger by then...that wasn't something she really wanted to deal with.

Emet made the decision for them, in the end. “I want to stay. With you. I mean, you're going to need some help with the baby, anyway, and if you take in these five you're definitely gonna need help. No offense, but...” She shrugged.

“No, you're absolutely right,” Aziraphale sighed. “I, at least, haven't the slightest clue what to do about any of this. It's...a lot. But I will try to do what's best for everyone.”

Crawly rolled her eyes. “Unholy _Satan_ , you're such an _angel_ , angel.”

“Well...yes. I think I'm rather supposed to be.”

“I rescind my previous comment. What cheek!”

Emet groaned. “Enough with the flirting. How are we getting off this thing without being seen?”

The two celestials spluttered a bit before actually coming up with a plan. It ended up mostly involving minor miracles to cause other eyes to simply gloss over the fact that they were there, and having the three tallest people carry the smaller ones for simplicity's sake. Aziraphale carried two, around the ages of three and four, Emet carried the two year old, Crawly of course held the baby, and the five year old boy and seven year old girl walked and held on to someone's hand.

When they finally made it off the ark, they began walking around the mountain a ways so that they'd be out of the way of the legitimate passengers. They hoped to find an outcropping or cave of some sort that they could use as shelter until they could build something better.

They had to stop several times along the way, either to rest or to wait for someone to answer the call of nature. This happened rather a lot with small children, they discovered. _Something else to look forward to_ , Crawly sighed internally.

After only a few hours, they found what they were looking for. The cave wasn't huge, but it was enough for now. Aziraphale used a miracle to dry off the interior and Emet looked for firewood, which also had to be dried off once found. They all huddled around it for a while, glad for the warm and dry in the midst of a misty and muddy world.

The sun was starting to go down, and all the children were exhausted. Aziraphale miracled some blankets, and found them clean water from a spring flowing from the mountain not far off. Crawly was feeling weak again, and sat watching the angel as she nursed their daughter. She felt warm and comfortable just seeing how he fussed over and took care of the humans. He really wasn't like any other angels she'd met. He really cared about people, no matter how much he would try to hide it sometimes, or how much he was required not to. Crawly rather liked that rebellious side, but...sometimes it did worry her. She would never tell him to stop being himself, but she didn't want him to get in trouble for it.

The baby fussed and waved her little fists. Crawly smiled. Another little rebel, it seemed.

“Really should get around to naming you at some point, eh, little troublemaker?” She let the baby's fingers curl around hers.

“Oh, that's true, isn't it?” Aziraphale said, coming over to her and sitting beside her. “It had crossed my mind a few times.”

“I've never been good with names,” Crawly said. “Remembering them, coming up with them...s'hard.”

Emet sat up, bunching her blanket around herself. “I could help, I know some names,” she said.

“If you like,” Crawly said.

“You could name her after me,” Emet said, with a cheeky grin.

“Ha,” Crawly snorted. “That could get confusing, you know.”

“I was kidding,” Emet said. She seemed lost in thought for a moment. “My mentor, the midwife, who took me in? She had a nice name. Miriam. There's a few different meanings for it, depending on who you ask, but one of them is 'rebellious.' Thought maybe you'd like that one,” she winked at Crawly. Crawly chuckled.

“I actually kinda do,” she said.

“Me too,” said Aziraphale. “Miriam. It's pretty.”

“Sounds good to me,” Crawly said, and yawned. “Well, she's gonna have it for a hell of a long time, so I hope she likes it.”

“I'm sure she will,” Aziraphale said. “Thank you, Emet, you're very helpful.” He smiled brightly at her.

“Sure,” she said, plopping back down to sleep. “I like helping. S'why I wanted to be a midwife. And I like babies,” she added.

“As good a reason as any,” Aziraphale agreed. He put his arm around Crawly's shoulder and she snuggled closer to his side. Little Miriam yawned and put her tongue out, which made Crawly snicker a bit. Babies sure made weird expressions. But it was cute when they did it. She looked up and saw Aziraphale mimicking the baby. _Fuck, I guess one angel is cute doing that too,_ she thought, and felt herself blush. Aziraphale noticed what he was doing and cleared his throat softly.

“Ahem. Erm...”

“That was adorable.”

“I – she did it first. Definitely more adorable when she does it. I don't know why I feel like I have to do it back. Do you feel like you have to make her expressions back at her?”

“I think it's a baby thing. They've got some sorta hypnotic ability, for sure.”

“Oh, I'm sure they do.”

“I mean, I can't stop looking at her. We make damn cute babies.”

“It would seem so.” Aziraphale smiled and pressed a kiss to Crawly's head, which made her blush harder and shove her face into his side.

“Ngk.”

“I agree.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Make me.”

“Oh?” Crawly looked up at the angel, who was blushing but with an unrepentantly cheeky expression on his pretty face. She rolled her eyes and reached up to press her lips gently to his. The kiss was chaste and soft but said what it needed to. Crawly pressed one more kiss to Aziraphale's soft jawline as she sank back down into the cuddle. She lifted Miriam up a little. “Goodnight kiss for your daughter?”

“Of course,” Aziraphale smiled. He brushed his lips against Miriam's downy head. “Goodnight, little darling.” He kissed Crawly's hair again as she snuggled Miriam back against her chest. “And goodnight to you too, dearest.”

“G'night, angel,” Crawly murmured, and fell asleep with a smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Other meanings for Miriam that I've found are "sea of sorrow," "wished-for child," and "lady of the sea," which combined with "rebellious," felt rather fitting, considering the context, lol
> 
> I live for your kudos and comments! hopefully the story will pick up soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unbeknownst to Crawly and Aziraphale, someone is watching...

Kirael tapped their fingers idly at the various screens in front of them, making a passing attempt at looking productive. Their job had finally been getting interesting, now that the humans had spread over more of the planet, but then they'd apparently screwed something up, and water had covered a vast area of the world. It would be a while until anything interesting to watch happened there, now.

And it had been fun, particularly because they got to see the agent on Earth, Aziraphale, learn how to fit in with humans, and there had been a lot of amusing scenes there at first. He never stopped being a source of entertainment, really, as he was often content to stay where he was and do what he liked and not realize that the world had moved on without him, so Kirael got to see him fluster and try to fit in again. They were especially intrigued by his apparent love of human food. Kirael had never been allowed to go to Earth, and Heaven certainly didn't allow food, so they'd never tried any. It seemed to bring the other angel great joy, though, so maybe they'd have to figure out a way to get some. Perhaps Tzofiya would be able to get away with smuggling them some.

Speak of the devil. Kirael's communicator vibrated softly, an earring that Tzofiya had given them so they could talk when days were slow. Kirael tapped the earring once to confirm the call.

“Hello Tzofiya. Getting boring on your end, too?”

“Fuck no. You haven't seen it yet?”

“Seen what? I've been told to watch the Mesopotamian area but there's fuck-all left there now. Except animals. Cute, but boring after you've seen them all. You watching a different quadrant these days?”

“You're getting slow, long-shanks. Check out the mountain where the floating menagerie landed.”

“Okay...” Kirael tapped at the hologram of Mount Ararat that popped up when they touched the screen. “It's a big mountain, Tzofi. Where am I looking?”

“Look for a cave,” came Tzofiya's gleeful voice. “It's got these three big mangled-looking trees by it. They've got a fire going at the moment, isn't too hard to spot.”

“Wait, they?” Kirael moved the hologram around to the opposite side of where Noah and his family were camping. They found the site and zoomed in.

“You see it yet?”

“Holy hell.” Kirael couldn't believe their eyes.

“Y'know, that seems like a rather apt expression for the situation.”

“You're telling me! I mean, I saw Crawly grabbing all those kids and stowing aboard, figured I'd let that one slip for her, but this is...this is big, Tzofi, I don't know if I should keep this to myself.”

“Don't tell me you're going to rat them out, you great glittery beanpole. It's not like they're trying to conspire against Heaven or anything. Or Hell, for that matter. Looks like they just had a little...accident. A cute one, at that.”

“Yes, but remember the Nephilim? You know, one of the big reasons why the Almighty sent the flood to begin with? And that was just angels and humans mixing!”

“Yeah, well, if you think about it, angels and demons are actually the same species. So. Less chance of the kid being a giant mutant terror, really. That's my theory, at least.”

“I suppose that's true...incompatible species would make sense as a reason why they turned out so bad. Angelic essence and human souls mixing...not good.” Kirael fretted and worried their lower lip.

“Exactly. But that doesn't mean anyone else is gonna see it that way. So are you with me or no?”

“In what way?”

“Not letting the brass know about this. Covering for the bumbling idiots. Fuck knows they aren't gonna be able to hide this on their own.”

“True...”

“I mean they can hardly hide their feelings for each other, remember that time back a few centuries when Crawly climbed up in that tree and realized they'd gone too far and freaked the fuck out so bad that they forgot they could miracle themselves down?”

“And Aziraphale had to fly up there and carry them down? Good heavens, they were blushing so much. I thought they were going to catch on fire.”

“That would have been hilarious. Smoke pourin' out Crawly's ears or some shit. Fuckin' hysterical. Anyways, back on track,” Tzofiya continued, “you gonna help me out here? If Heaven or Hell finds out about this kid it's gonna make life miserable for a lot of us. Paperwork out the arse, so many more read-and-signs to go through, probably a fucking seminar on keeping it in your pants. Not to mention it would be devastating to Aziraphale and Crawly. I mean, look at them.”

Kirael watched the two new parents with their baby. Aziraphale was holding her, making funny faces at her and grinning, while Crawly entertained a human two-year-old and stole smiling glances at her partner and their child. Kirael knew Aziraphale, he was one of the only angels who really talked to them, and he wasn't even in Heaven most of the time. They'd hate to see that sunny face look at them with grief and hatred. Any other angel, they might turn them in, but Aziraphale was genuinely kind. Many angels had lost that, these days.

“Alright. Fine. But we've got to be careful too. If head offices find out we've been hiding something this big...”

“You don't have to tell me. At least they don't check up much. I like Crawly, she's one of the only demons with any real sense of humor. I'd hate to get her in trouble. And...thanks. For agreeing to this.”

“You're welcome. Besides, I kinda want to see how this plays out. Watching these two try to be parents to not only their own newborn, but six human kids.”

“Oh, it's going to be a fuckin' _riot._ ”

“Definitely. Hey, while I've got you, I was wondering.”

“Yeah?”

“Is there any way you can get me some bread? I want to try eating, it seems like a nice simple thing to start with.”

“Oh, definitely. Same place as last time?”

“Sure.”

“It's a date!” Tzofiya cackled.

“Oh, shut up, fiend.”

_____________________________

my art of Kirael and Tzofiya! in modern clothing, obviously, but you get the idea :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a bit short! I'll try to update again next week, hopefully my motivation and energy levels get a boost so I can write some longer chapters. Hope you enjoyed the new characters :3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More family fluff and bonding time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.....it's been like a month since i updated this, I feel really bad lol. i been having a Time ok
> 
> in any case, I finally churned something out, it's not much, but i really wanted to get something out here sooner rather than later! don't worry, i'll get some action in here somewhere. I just love writing domestic shit so much dkjdfsjkdsk
> 
> enjoy the fluff :3
> 
> cw: mentions of blood? it's a rabbit though, nothing like...gory or anything, just thought i'd mention it

“Angel? Hey, come 'ere for a sec...ho – holy shit, Aziraphale, look!!”

“Yes, dear? What is it – oh!”

Aziraphale looked up from the lesson on edible and non-edible plants he was trying to teach to the smaller children, and gasped in delight.

Crawly was kneeling at the entrance to the cave, arms held out. Miriam, now just over ten months old with a tousled mop of white-blonde curls, stood in a rather wobbly fashion, facing Aziraphale, clinging to Crawly's index fingers with both her meaty baby fists. As Aziraphale watched, she lifted one determined little foot in the air and took a wobbly step forward, giggling with glee. Miriam focused her eyes on Aziraphale, with that adorable six-toothed grin gracing her round little face, and took another step, still holding on tightly to her mother's fingers.

“Abba!” Miriam babbled, letting go with one hand to reach out to Aziraphale.

“Oh, look at you go, darling!” Aziraphale cooed, hurrying over to sit just a little in front of her and holding out his hands. “That's right, dear, come to Abba!”

Miriam held on to Crawly's finger right until the last two steps, which were very quick and wobbly as she tumbled into Aziraphale's arms. Aziraphale laughed and tried to blink away tears of pride. He looked at Crawly just as she finished scrubbing her sleeve over her eyes, rather ineffectually.

“I know she's been pulling herself up on things to stand for a while now, how is this so much more...I dunno...” Crawly shook her head, still grinning. “She barely walked two steps and I'm a mess, look at me.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “Me too, dearest, no shame in that.” He hugged Miriam until she squeaked in protest and wriggled out of his arms. He helped her to get back on her feet, and she seemed a little more determined to stay upright.

“Ima!” She held one hand out to Crawly as Aziraphale held the other. Much the same happened this time, with perhaps an extra half step accomplished independently. Crawly gathered her up in her arms and tickled her sides, prompting a riot of shrieking giggles.

Emet trotted over to them, a makeshift spear with an unfortunate rabbit impaled on it hoisted jauntily over her shoulder.

“Were those some first little baby steps I just saw?” She grinned down at Miriam, who wrinkled her nose at her. 00

Crawly gave an exasperated sigh. “Emet, what have I told you about carrying your kills around like that? Ew.”

“Whatever. Makes me feel cool. And it means I got us more food to eat, yeah?”

“I don't think it's really necessary for you to have rabbit blood dripping all over your clothes, though, is it?” Aziraphale sighed. “That's going to take forever to wash out, if it comes out at all.”

“You could just use a miracle though, right?”

“That's not what they're for, dear girl –”

“Bullshit, I saw you using one to get the stain out of _your_ robe when Miriam sh –”

“All right! Point taken. But still, I would...prefer not to be using them too much. Heaven does monitor how many I use, even if they don't know the exact purpose.”

“Also,” Crawly added, “blood on your clothes is gross, and smelly, and doesn't actually look that cool. Just go clean your rabbit somewhere over there, give Channah and Anan an anatomy lesson if you like, you know they're always looking for weird things to poke at.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Emet conceded. “And congrats to you, rascal,” she nodded to Miriam, “on the walking. Be an absolute menace to your parents for me, will you?” She grinned and walked off.

“Oh dear,” Aziraphale sighed.

“If you ask me, she was planning on doing that anyway,” Crawly shrugged, releasing Miriam, who had begun to squirm again, to scoot immediately in the direction of the fire pit, which was not currently lit, it being a rather warm sunny day, but still potential for sooty disaster.

“Apparently so,” Aziraphale said as he rushed to scoop their daughter up and away from the heap of charred logs and ashes. “She's inherited your reckless tendencies, I see.”

“Angel, she's not even a year old, it's how she learns things, innit? Besides, making a mess of yourself can be good for you, yeah? Teaching experience, that.”

“It's a 'teaching experience' to inhale dangerous amounts of ash and get soot in your eyes?”

“Sure, teaches you not to do it again. But I do see your point a bit, yeah, maybe not the best thing to play around in.” She stood and held her arms out for Miriam and the baby babbled for her _ima_ , wiggling her entire body. Aziraphale handed her over and Crawly settled her on her hip. “Now that I think of it, I did come across a pretty nice mud puddle as I was walking Kalev and Ilai back from doing their business earlier. Whaddya say, kiddo? Mud sound fun to you?”

“Mud!”

“I'll take that as a yes.”

“Didn't we just have a conversation about not getting our clothes overly dirty?” Aziraphale said, with a long-suffering sigh.

“Eh, mud washes out easier than you'd think, it's just dirt after all. And besides, it's fun. Remember fun?”

“You're insufferable.”

“I think you like that about me, though.” Crawly winked. “Anyone who wants, extra fun mud puddle is this way!” She sauntered off, followed by Leah, now three years old, and Ilai and Kalev, four and five year old boys, who had grown rather bored of learning the difference between leek and iris leaves. It is rather difficult to impress the importance of learning one's vegetation upon a young child when the prospect of a mud puddle presents itself.

Dinner turned out rather grand, what with Emet's rabbit and the produce of Crawly's small vegetable and herb garden making an excellent stew. Miriam provided the evening's entertainment by upending her bowl over her head and cackling like a wild chicken, thankfully after most of her stew was eaten. Leah tried to help by licking the broth off Miriam's head, protesting when she was told to stop. (“Thas how amnimals clean the babies!”)

Bedtime was a bit more of an organized ordeal these days (as much as it could be, with six young children and one semi-responsible young woman). They'd built a sort of house with the cave as a starting point, and made dividing screens from wood and plant fibers to differentiate a few rooms for sleeping, such as a space for Emet, and for the two parents and Miriam. Beds were made of straw and wool cloth that Aziraphale had bought (read: technically stolen but with generous repayment left in its place) from Noah's camp. Some extra miracles may have been used to make things comfier. Maybe. Some people had standards, after all.

Total privacy wasn't really an option, of course, and often the older people would find one or two younger ones snuggled up to them in the morning that hadn't been there last night. Nobody really minded much, though. Nights could get chilly, in any case.

All in all, it wasn't a bad arrangement. Aziraphale was starting to really believe that, just maybe, this could work out. He hadn't gotten any assignments in a while, which wasn't really that odd, given the circumstances, and there were often years and even decades where there wasn't much word from Heaven. Perhaps they really would be left alone? These last months of falling asleep or at least resting next to Crawly had been...well, maybe divine was the wrong word...but it was lovely. Incredibly _good_. Even getting up in the middle of the night to change Miriam's soiled cloth as she protested loudly and woke up other children, arguing with Crawly about child-rearing methods, and being regularly subjected to all kinds of unsavory messes that came along with raising children...he wouldn't trade it for anything.

It meant seeing every morning sunbeam that escaped through the holes in the thatch roof light up Crawly's riotous curls like a forest blaze. Hearing soft snores and contented hums throughout the night that meant his dearest slept peacefully. Laughing along with the mother of his child as their daughter imitated Anan's silly faces. Watching his love teach a gaggle of lost children to dance and play pranks and name the stars...

It was everything to him.

Everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really will try to update this more often, i'm gettin ideas for next things so hopefully i will get something out next week! 
> 
> i actually did like......research for stuff in this chapter lol i spent way too much time tryna figure out what plants were native to mesopotamia and what kids would have called their parents and it's probably not as accurate as it could be but it's as accurate as i had the patience to make it xD sorry if i got things wrong! i have no editor lol so it's just.....here dfkjsdfkg 
> 
> also all the human children have names now woot!  
> oldest to youngest and with current ages as of this update we have Emet (14), Channah (8), Anan (6), Kalev (5), Ilai (4), and Leah (3)

**Author's Note:**

> I welcome constructive criticism, I haven't written anything in a long time so I've probably made a lot of mistakes. Please leave kudos if nothing else (if you liked it lol), I crave validation in any form


End file.
